The unbeliever

I played at a skeleton's ball yesterday: there was an attack from some undead- we threw some ♥-shaped grenades and then there was an attack from some dead (not the McNarwhal kind).

Teacher of the death

It appears I'm now a rolemodel for grim reapers. As such, total and utter obedience will be more important than ever.
Also, you're all relieved of your knowledge-killing duties- go fall off the edge of the world or summat.
Peace out!
Literally!

Falling off the edge of the world

My campaign to make 2008 the year when people discover that the world is flat is being opposed by something called 'knowledge'. If you meet anyone with this so-called 'knowledge', kill them and I'll send you Bear Taboo: The Graphic Novel.

(Suckers.)

Christmas special

Season finale...

"Uminus, you're being deported."
"I don't think so- get her, 'nonymous voice from nowhere."
The immigration officer was ne'er seen again.

"Benny I'm pregnant but...you're not the father."
"Ma'am, Benny died. Like, seven weeks ago."
"Oh, um, I'll just be on my way."
The woman gost lost and ended up in The farm of death- I mean life. The farm of life.

"Dead, it's...a narwhal!"
"Uhh...do I know you?"
The woman explained she meant her husband, also called Dead.

Apparel

I've been wondering: can I call a main character Dead? No, really, I mean his name would be 'Dead', like
"Hi, Dead."
"How's the wife, Dead?"
"I can't be I'm a virgin, Dead."
I think the problem would be with threats:
"One wrong move and you're dead."

Hench-cat?

You may all remember from Niphxs Anyone that I had a cat named Faith- sadly, she died recently. However, I have a strange feeling that she's possessing my guniea pig. This is worrying, as it not only means that my guinea pigs bites me if I get within two metres of him, but also because I don't know if Monty (my guinea pig) is a hench-pig or -cat. My sister always forbade me from corrupting faith into my evil hench-cat, but now she's in something that's my property, so technically I can do whatever I want. But I liked having a hench-pig. But a hench-cat would be more useful.
It's like Sophie's choice.

The truth...

Ok, this has gone on long enough! I was raised a Christian, and an honest Christian I'll die. I'll lie no more: I saw Benny with the devil.
I mean, Benny's ill. He probably won't last the night, and so now's as good a time as any (and better than most) to tell you...he's a fraud.
Yes, the rumours you heard of a Benny conspiracy were right.
*Sigh* The original Benny was lost the night after you guys first heard about him- we found a replacement bean, and all of you were none the wiser. But, you deserve to know the truth, and there you have it.
If you want to leave, I'll understand- most 'cause it's the end of the post and you have better things to be doing.

Cheap, last minute substitute

Yo, I'm gonna post now because by the time i get back it's gonna be too late. I'm going to London tomorrow: we're going to see a play, the Lion King musical, the terrocotta army and lots of other junk. When I've returned you can expect a Benny/Victor update- you see the thing is, he's gone to this farm where he can eat all the cookies he wants and have lots and lots of fun. But you can't visit. Because it's the rules. No, he's not dead. He's not *breaks down crying* HE'S NOT!
He's actually not. Ha! Bet you didn't see that coming!