Apologies

I'm really sorry for missing two weeks in a row after such a long itme of fillers but I'm not feeling great at the moment, so...we just have to wait.

The mystery thickens

With Carrot away behind bars (or more accurately exactly where he was before because we're too scared to approach him) we turn to the difficult question of why he did it. He won't talk (or we're out of earshot), and so this calls for a little detecting. Or, failing that, giving up and pretending I don't care.

And again

Repeat last title

Holiday filler

Mussolini's men

Click the pic!

Crouching Uncle, Hidden Carrot

I finally have a lead: whoever shot Uncle has apparently been hiding out at the old witch's castle- the last known residence of one Dr. Frederico Carrot.
This just got interesting.
No, wait...now. Now it got interesting.

Who needs a supporting cast?

I spent my last few days shaking down the lower members of the Tabooniverse: the woman who got lost in the first season finale, the immgration officer who tried to deport Umi, and good ol' ugly-face himself (don't worry- I used a ten-foot pole.) None of them knew anything- they were all dead.
Some one's being very thorough.

Detectivity

After being shot, Unclepolar was left in a bad way: he had to take a whole eight days to recover (explaining and excusing the missed update yesterday).
But the mystery continues as to who shot him- logically, it must have been an invited guest so they could get into the church. Looking at the guest-list, I found 4 invitees who had a history of being scapegoats.
I mean, carrying weapons.
And so the search is abandoned.
I mean, continued.

The Wedding

Dearly beloved (and Uminus), we are gathered here today to show up the I.D.E.S. O.F. M.A.R.C.H.. If anyone has any reason why these two token characters should not be-
*gunshot*
Random guest: *Gasp!* Uncle's been shot!!

To Be Continued...

Proving a point is the only real reason to marry someone.

The four of the fantastic have washed up on the shores of the edge of the world, dead.
For four seconds before they stopped existing again.
I didn't want to do this, but they've left me no choice, damn it!!
Sammy and Lusa...are getting married!
We're going to show the I.D.E.S. that we're not afraid with a shotgun marriage on wednesday.
Now, go buys lotsa toasters- not only for the wedding but for toastology day!! (Still a year away)

Cream comes in cans now (Or EIGHT DAYS!!!)

Since I could now open a can of cream and it wouldn't go stale before the witch's rulership over me came crashing down over her horribly big ears, I'm going to do just that.
Only, with a can of worms.
And it will probably will get very stale.
And I'll only wait seven days before moving on.
Huh, actually, this is really related to that in any way.
Who knew?

Four of the fantastic

I've decided to hire mercenaries to kill the I.D.E.S.; they're known as the four of the fantastic and their bodies closely resemble the heaviest elements in the periodic table- bascially, they disappiate after four seconds and some don't believe in them.
I'll get those bigots yet!

When you gaze into the abyss

The ides are getting better: I lost a whole hour of my life on saturday- they must be using some sort of telepathic attack.
Fools! Do they not realise that eating away at my thoughts makes them what they claim to hate the most? Mindflayers!

Dr. Carrot and the sorcerer's apprentice

One of the witch's minions tried to persuade to stay in service yesterday.
I responded by feeding her to Dr. Carrot.
Let this be a lesson to you all: Make. More. Advice.

Beware the ides of March

We have figured out who the perpetrator of monday's heinous crime was:
the Indecent Dopey Evolutionary-dead-ends Stupid Orangutans For Mind-flayer Aversion and Really Cruel Hate-crimes! Otherwise known as the I.D.E.S. O.F. M.A.R.C.H.!
A Mind-flayer protest group. Beware them! We must wipe out their bigotry and kill them all!
Death to the ides of March!

Unseen enemy

Someone has been stealing my posts! I know I put one up on monday: this means that the enemy has managed to infiltrate the base and take the post down.
This is possibly the biggest threat we've ever faced people!
Man the stations!
Ready the fire hoses!
And...Prepare the puppets!
THIS. MEANS. WAR.

Can you feel the love tonight?

I've been accused of prejudice, since Sammy, our 'token' minority group character, wasn't included in B.V.: since B.V. counted as a season finale, I've decided that next season Sammy will get a love interest: Lusa.

And now, a blogspot first: the first all-mindflayer kiss ever seen on blogspot.

Bet you wish you knew how they all tied together

Heyall

Now that canonicity has been reshattered, I'd like to point out that any posts in B.V. counted as posts here, even thoigh it meant destroying the universe inbetween the two.

In other news, I will soon be free of the witch that has imprisoned me for so long: I'm thinking we should all have more karaoke to celebrate. And a one and a two and a three:
DO RE MI FAR SO LA TE DO!

A time travelling experiment gone wrong...

A lodged job (Get it?)

Now the dustbunnies have moved out of my room, I'll be looking for a new lodger. Before considering yourself adequate, please know you must
BE

• Awesometastic- for your own safety: inferirority complexes are deadly.

Have

• Superpowers- 'Cause their cool.

Not Want

• Personal space or hygeine.

If you fit the bill, then give it up 'cause I know it's you, Poppins. And I ain't takin' in no druggie.

Filthy lies

What do you mean I forgot to update yesterday because of over-exposure to ice cream? Don't be absurd!
Get them, Sammy!
On another note:
B.V. IS COMING!

But seriously, sorry for the missed update, I guess I...should never have been a blogger. I'll just go sell matches in the snow now.
Don't worry, Unclepolar, you can live off the revenue for the Bear Taboo Graphic Novel.
Hah! I knew it! See you later, suckers! Ha ha!
You need them to buy the book first.
Oh...so who wants Ice cream? It'll make you forget...

Killer wasps

After extensive testing, I have come to a conlusion: the portal in the witch's catsle did not lead to outerspace, but in actuality to a magic land of flowers and posies.
As we all know, flowers need insects to pollinate them, and I may have bought back some samples of the wildlife for sunday supper.
And they may have teamed up with the flying monkeys.
Don't you love teamwork?

Make more advice

Dr. Carrot says so.
And we all know what happens when we upset Dr. Carrot *cough*Uminus'face*cough*.

The unbeliever

I played at a skeleton's ball yesterday: there was an attack from some undead- we threw some ♥-shaped grenades and then there was an attack from some dead (not the McNarwhal kind).

Horror-scopes

The stars predict a time of prodiguous fear: people will rip out their own eyes to block the images, hearts will stop from sheer terror and cows will sleep...sitting down.
And the cause of this? None other than...Uminus' face.

Epiphany

Ok, we have a problem on our hands: the half-niphxs has escaped.
This is a more problem for me, since it was only going to eat you anyway, but it's a problem nonetheless. However, I have a solution: we allow to run loose and kill all of humanity.
This may seem like me just not being able to think of an actual solution, but I promise you that by the time you realise this, it will have eaten half of your innards.
Let the genocide begin.

Presents is an anagram of Serpents

Just thought you ought to know.

Mwah! Mwah!

I am slowly de-ageing my minions: why, you ask (oh, yes you do!). Well, this essentially means that I will have to be an acting adult for them in all respects, effectively giving me their identities! It's foolproof!
No, but why slowly, you ask (yes, you bloody well do).
Well...ummm....This interview is over.

*Throws willow-tree shaped heart*
*I mean moon-shaped zoo*
*I mean...oh screw it*

Tell them how I am ampli-fying gravity!

My hench-reapers inform me that everyone still belives the world is round. Therefore, I'm going to increase gravity tenfold, causing this planet to collapse in on itself, turning it into little more than a pancake.
Suck on that!

Magic tricks

As you can see, I have nothing up my sleeves, and nothing in this willow tree. But, if you would just look in the moon you will find...

...a ♥-shaped grenade!! See ya later, sucker!!

*BOOOM!!*

An excuse of fantasytic porportions

To: Mr. McNarwhal,
I am very sorry I cannot attend the maths challenge today, because my sister has been poisoned by a vicious queen, jealous of her beauty. On top of this, my father’s nose has begun to grow whenever he lies, and he has stabbed my mother’s eye out with it. My mother, angry locked my other sister away in a tower- she has begun to grow her hair as a result. I must therefore seek out the magic ring which will open the chamber of secrets beneath the shoe that old mother Hubbard uses for a house, so I can find the voice of the little mermaid, give it to the big bad wolf who will blow down the tower, bite off my father’s nose and give my first sister true love’s first kiss, changing into Prince Charming in the process.
Sorry,
Uncle (Grimm) Polar

Stop opressing me!!

Some have complained that this blog is sense-phobic.

And so we set Sammy on them. I believe their last words were 'aaiiuhhhghhbbbb....'.
(Better than what came out before! Suh-wish!)

The title says it all

It does indeed. It does indeed.

Abandon ship!!

We're under attack- the slippers are rising up against us! I managed to fight off two using my firehose, which I keep for just such an occasion, but there'll be more. Don't underestimate them- soon we'll all be kissing their feet, after years of them kissing ours!

Give back my brain

Well, my position as a teacher of the Death seems to have earnt Bear Taboo educational status, allowing it to be shown at schools, workplaces and Oil rigs (by the way, any oil rig based fans, any possibility of freebies? I mean, one of those giant drills could be very useful- I've been wanting to brush up my dentistry.).
Of course, this means we have to be more ethnically diverse, and so we'll be introducing a new token character to the staff- Sammy the Mindflayer! I want you all to make him feel welcome by offering up your grey matter to him as a nutricious snack. Any volunteers?

Ding dong

As we all know, the Wicked Witch of the west and Darth Vader are one and the same. This presents a conundrum as to how the witch escaped her watery grave. Obviously, there is some form of wormhole inside the witch's castle, leading to outer-space. I propose we storm said castle and find aforementioned wormhole. Just think, the B'Taboo party in control of a death star- voting would be even more mandatory. Tyranny is just a good-ol'-fashioned castle-pillagin' away, people.
The future is here and its name is Oz.

Fake escape route

I've decided that Bear Taboo needs an edge over other political parties-and so I've placed a vicious monster, half-man, half-niphxs in the heart of it.
Run, you fools, run! Try and escape before it devours your ability to vote for other candidates!!!

A pinch of salt

I, unlike some I could mention *cough*DeadMcNarwhal*cough*, plan for the future.
I keep a firehose in every room of my house- you should do the same.
Though it won't keep off my undead armies, it will save you from the salt monster that is definitely going to form according to the government. If you keep more than 6 grams of salt in your house at any one time, you'd better watch out- Dead didn't, and now he's Dead.
Think about that.

Teacher of the death

It appears I'm now a rolemodel for grim reapers. As such, total and utter obedience will be more important than ever.
Also, you're all relieved of your knowledge-killing duties- go fall off the edge of the world or summat.
Peace out!
Literally!

I before E

Since I seem to be forgetting my alphabet, Bear Taboo will now be written entirely in gibberish.
Not that that will make much difference!
Suh-wish!
...wait.

A million ways

So, I think we all know what today is: Ice Cream day. When we eat all the stuff left over in the freezer, in preparation for lots of buying this year.
But, there's so many choices- what should your Ice Cream resolution be? Should you eat that with that or this with this? There are a million ways to go.
But never fear- B'Taboo has a cheap, last-minute solution: only eat the stuff you want, and leave the rest for the person with such a bad hangover that they can't see what they're eating.
(B'Taboo tip: add a little extra something like hot sauce, lemon jelly or hedgehog spikes to make the meal all the more entertaining to watch.)

Also, pinch punch first of the month, no returns. And, a flick on the ear, happy new year and no returns.