Falling off the edge of the world

My campaign to make 2008 the year when people discover that the world is flat is being opposed by something called 'knowledge'. If you meet anyone with this so-called 'knowledge', kill them and I'll send you Bear Taboo: The Graphic Novel.

(Suckers.)

The one that gave me nightmares.

Ok, since I know that y'all willow trees depend on B'Taboo as much as I do spite to stay alive, we're going to give the choice I'll make on 29th September 2008 a very spooky name:
The Decision. You have to lower your voice, and extinguish all lights while saying it.
Because I said so.

12 weeks of ♥

Well, since it's my year-and-a-halfiversary on my paperround, and the first major holiday since I created B'Taboo, have an ongoing joke, on the house.
No, no, you've earnt it.
Wait, no you haven't, I did all the work- gimme that!
Don't look at me like that, I-...*sigh* fine. Here's your stupid joke: willow trees.
Happy now?

Karaoke time!

I can think of nothing more christmassy than the sound of strangled cats, so bring up youtube, get your favourite song up, plug in your headphones and give all those around you tinnitus!
Repeat until defrenetated.

Christmas special

Season finale...

"Uminus, you're being deported."
"I don't think so- get her, 'nonymous voice from nowhere."
The immigration officer was ne'er seen again.

"Benny I'm pregnant but...you're not the father."
"Ma'am, Benny died. Like, seven weeks ago."
"Oh, um, I'll just be on my way."
The woman gost lost and ended up in The farm of death- I mean life. The farm of life.

"Dead, it's...a narwhal!"
"Uhh...do I know you?"
The woman explained she meant her husband, also called Dead.

Treachery, Conspiracy and Doom

Well, it seems B'Taboo is nine weeks old today, which, as we all know, means the season finale is due any time soon. I warn you it will rock the Taboo universe to its core Luke-I'm-your-father-style. But, as we all know season finales cannot happen without a bunch of lame subplots being resolved just in time for new ones to start, so I'm about to set some up.
"Benny, I'm pregnant, but...you're not the father!"
"Uminus, you're being deported."
"Dead, it's...a narwhal!!"

Gosh, anonymous voice from nowhere, that's a great idea!

Wow, I'm bored. Bored, bored, bored.
Why don't you go and buy Bear Taboo: The Graphic Novel, availiable now in alternate dimensions.
Because I have taste?
Oh, Ok then. I'll just go...

Anonymous voice from nowhere was forced to go onto the streets and sell matches for money. Don't let this happen to the voices in your head: buy BT:TGN today!

Apparel

I've been wondering: can I call a main character Dead? No, really, I mean his name would be 'Dead', like
"Hi, Dead."
"How's the wife, Dead?"
"I can't be I'm a virgin, Dead."
I think the problem would be with threats:
"One wrong move and you're dead."

Helpful doors...

Is a trap-door still a trap-door if you're deliberately using it? 'Cause y'know then it's not a trap so much as a useful means of transporting one's self. So really it should be called a helpful door if someone uses it for anything other than catching others' unaware.
Support proper vocabulary!

Hench-cat?

You may all remember from Niphxs Anyone that I had a cat named Faith- sadly, she died recently. However, I have a strange feeling that she's possessing my guniea pig. This is worrying, as it not only means that my guinea pigs bites me if I get within two metres of him, but also because I don't know if Monty (my guinea pig) is a hench-pig or -cat. My sister always forbade me from corrupting faith into my evil hench-cat, but now she's in something that's my property, so technically I can do whatever I want. But I liked having a hench-pig. But a hench-cat would be more useful.
It's like Sophie's choice.

Disappointment all around (not least because I couldn't remember how to spell disappointment)...

I was hoping that tomorrow should be the second time ever that I could watch an episode of Midsomer Murders all the way through, due to the school collapsing in on istelf from sheer stupidity. Alas it was not to be: I have an appointment at £:$% that lasts !% minutes and MM starts at $:)).
Mystery shows suck when you miss the beginning.
On another note that isn't in code form, I may have lost my American audience by being pro-family values, which is a shame since I was hoping Bear Taboo: The Graphic Novel should become a hit in the U.S.A. But I apologise for nothing.
Except the Benny conspiracy.
(Really really sorry about that).

2 minutes silence please...

Call it 'The Northern Lights'- call it family values!

Setting the record straight

Just so that we're all clear: it wasn't Toastology day the other day. I'm sorry, I know you got all riled up, but there was a communications breakdown.
Don't use language like that- or Toaster Clause will bring setting seven toast.
Now that that's cleared up, let's finish this post.

My partner in crime!

I didn't work alone in fooling you all about Benny- someone got me the replacement bean! Someone got me the blueprints! Someone got me a slush-puppy!
This is the home adress of that someone, in case you want to egg his house. (Call him a communist- he really hates it!)

Two celebratory posts in a row? Must be toastology day!

Finally! I have two lots of older posts!
Let's look back at some of the best moments of Bear Taboo....

*Wavey flashback screen*
Benny!
Pontikino!
The Moon!
*Back to reality (oh there goes gravity)*

Wow, we've been through such alot!

Back in sync!!!

Yay, the time zone's right! No more posting at 6 in the morning se it looks like I'm posting at 4 in the afternoon for me!

Apparently, I'm no longer allowed exclamation marks.

Happy hour

Ok, the number of people who have viewed my profile has actually gone down. I think there's a law of physics against that. Now, I'm not an attention whore (well, not when I'm asleep), but I like being liked. So, 21:00 to 22:41 will now be happy hour. Where we all pretend to be drunk, and thus out of control, and thus more likely to read Bear Taboo! GO!

The truth...

Ok, this has gone on long enough! I was raised a Christian, and an honest Christian I'll die. I'll lie no more: I saw Benny with the devil.
I mean, Benny's ill. He probably won't last the night, and so now's as good a time as any (and better than most) to tell you...he's a fraud.
Yes, the rumours you heard of a Benny conspiracy were right.
*Sigh* The original Benny was lost the night after you guys first heard about him- we found a replacement bean, and all of you were none the wiser. But, you deserve to know the truth, and there you have it.
If you want to leave, I'll understand- most 'cause it's the end of the post and you have better things to be doing.

Diary of a teenage drama bean

Turns out Benny is, like, the loser of his class. He's smaller and has fewer leaves than most of his friends. Of course, the rest of his friends are dead from never being born or being neglected, so in that respect he's lucky.
In other news, scoob doo-ish is now a word. For I deem it so.
Chester zoo.
P.S. If some of you would take the time to 'ooo' and 'aahhh' at the title, it'd be appreciated. I thought up that instead of eating today.

The fantastic virilescence of Victor the Fabulous

Ok, I know you've all been waiting on tenderhooks for this: the first benny post!!!!
...
♥-shaped grenades?
Oh well, here's how he shaping up (note: the days are completely falsified. I have no ideas when i actually started meauring him, and I haven't done it at regular intervals.)


DAY
BENNY-OSITY (IN CENTIMETRES)
1
6.8
3
14.5
7
21
8
32.8
12
36
17
51

He's gonna grow up to be big and strong. And then wither and die at the first frost of winter. Man, I ♥(shaped grenades) nature.

Cheap, last minute substitute

Yo, I'm gonna post now because by the time i get back it's gonna be too late. I'm going to London tomorrow: we're going to see a play, the Lion King musical, the terrocotta army and lots of other junk. When I've returned you can expect a Benny/Victor update- you see the thing is, he's gone to this farm where he can eat all the cookies he wants and have lots and lots of fun. But you can't visit. Because it's the rules. No, he's not dead. He's not *breaks down crying* HE'S NOT!
He's actually not. Ha! Bet you didn't see that coming!

Something random for thursday afternoon...

Eek!

Cutting it a little close here: it's technically been more than seven days since I last updated but I don't care. Screw you guys.
I'm going home.
Yes, that is all the post you're getting.
Ha-ha!

THE TRUTH ABOUT THE COMICS INDUSTRY!!

One week of ♥

Today, we celebrate our one-week-ersary here at Bear Taboo. And by we I mean Me, Myself and that guy who keeps telling me to dance. As a special celebration, I'm going to start three on-going jokes. These will be:

• heart shaped grenades
• chester zoo
• the moon.

Whoo: first use of bullet points in a blog! What a landmark!

Me, gone all serious. Funny how that's an anagram of I are so sullen Emo...G.

I really wonder how much longer it will be before there's a shoot-out between me and Uminus (my best friend), 'cause there's gonna be one. I probably should set my affirs in order, as Uminus has incredibly good aim and does not go down easily. The sad thing is that Lumpy and Mussolini will almost definitely be on his side. Well, Mussolini will probably just not be on my side, as she doesn't want to get metaphorical blood on her. This really upsets me, not the Mussolini being non-confrontational, the Uminus and me being on opposite sides, 'cause we were once almost inseperable. But, people change, and now there's so much friction between us lightning shoots off our skin in hot weather. Of course, me and Uminus don't talk about this, because you don't. You avoid the subject at all costs and let yourself drown in awkwards silences. Ach well, there's only one more year: then we'll go our different ways (him on the high road, no doubt) and never lay eyes on each other again. It's odd, how things go round. At one point I wished Uminus would just leave me alone, now when he does I hate him for it. That's most likely why he does it.
Ho-hum.
Ho-hum indeed.

Introducing Benny, or Victor the Fabulous as he is known in latin!

Pinch punch second of the month and no returns. Now that the pleasantries are done with, let's get down to business: I was just in Biolology and have been given the task of putting a broad bean seed- who we shall call benny- into water then planting it and recording its growth. Now, I know you'll all be on tenterhooks to see how li'l Benny makes it in the big wide world, so I'll put the actual recordings of his growth on this website! How lucky are you, faithful readers (yes I do mean both of you)! This new feature will be called The fantastic virilescence of Victor the Fabulous!

Niphxs anyone?

What would you call a reverse sphinx? A xphins? I only ask because that's what faith- my misanthropic cat- looks like at the moment. She's sitting on top if the computer and I can only see her front half. She also tries to kill me if I get past; no riddles though, 'cept 'Hisstttthhh'.

Pontikino.

Sorry, I just don't want to forget that word: it means 'Mouse Island' in Greek. Also, Barbossa was real pirate who sacked Skopelos in Greece with 150 ships, killing all its inhabitants.
And they say you learn nothing on Work Experience.
(If you ever see a book called something like Greece: A photographic Journey, buy it. I did some of the captioning. I think.)

First post, but why now?

Umm...Ok, here's the deal. I'm officially 16 years and one day old today, and I realised I must've set up twenty different websites for myself over the years and never kept to one for more than a month: I either got bored or just forgot. So here's my pledge: I'm going to keep this blog for one year with at least one update a week (unless something major comes up). If I'm still interested in a year I may continue this or I might just shut it down. We'll see. Of course, this won't always be easy- my sister is like Mary Poppins on steroids. Magic steroids. If she put her mind to it, she could swim the atlantic ocean in under an evening. And, her being her (yeah that makes sense), she'd decided to put this unnatural determination into her schoolwork: she wants to be a vet, and so got five As at AS level. But this means that my parents have started to wonder why yours truly isn't a genius (is that even how you spell genius??) and so have said I need study rotor (yet again, spelling?), meaning I'll have even less time than before and will become a mindless drone.
Oh well, I don't know if anyone will read this, but meh, now anyone who does will know the deal.
See ya when next I update!